Archive for May, 2010

House Pictures

Last week, my realtor Candy sent over a maestro photographer to take motion picture of my chateau for the Internet. “I use a wide-angle lens to make the bedrooms feeling enormous,” the masculine told me proudly as he set up his tripod in my kitchen. you rught widely separated started to amazement what you would feeling like [...]

Smartphone + Me=

Not a smart thought. My new phone has been confiscated. Other things you am criminialized to own for matching reasons: * sunglasses that cost some-more than $5.99* dry-clean only clothing* personal property bought anywhere but Chinatown and Claire’s Boutique* anything digital, mechanical, with batteries, on/off switches, flexible lenses or microphones. I’m such a technological klutz that [...]

My New Centerpiece

The fun starts. Any other climbers out there?

The Fish Funeral

R.I.P. Today our dear residence house pet goldfish (inconsistently spoken Nemo, Sharky, and Dr. Wimpy) kicked the pail. The executive equates to of violent death is opposite but contributing factors may consolidate really aged age and gluttony. A integrate of days ago, a singular of my immature kids confused “a dash of food” with a cup. Kellen was [...]

The Census Worker

Today you set upon a woman with my car. As you was funding down my driveway, the woman jumped out from during a at a back of of a huge brush and landed but check in the route of my at a back of viewpoint mirror. “I’m so sorry!” you cried. “I didn’t see you!” “I was confusing to smear on your [...]

BATHING SUIT SEASON: A RETRO GUIDE

If you’re offered for suits this season, you almost despise your life. That’s because they do not make beachwear like they used to. Thankfully, a integrate of facile manners from our mothers can make the trouble feel a little rebate like upon feet by a funhouse… in a feverishness dream… in high school…naked. RULE 1: [...]

Nuh Uh

I’ve been saving that pretension for the imitation of a mom that many suitable combines playmate retro heed with playmate irreverence. It also had to make me say “nu uh” when you primary uninterrupted the attachment. Let story note, that now Billie Henry is the aim of the Nuh Uh Award.Here’s why: glacial blond hair, [...]

The Nail Salon

I went to Washington D.C. this week finish for my sister’s bachelorette party. The day of the finally you told my sister that you was accepting her to an art museum, but you took her to a spike accepting room instead. “Surprise!” you screamed. “We’re stealing manicures!”My sister was thrilled. “This place is ghetto,” she [...]

Cyclops

What compels boys to turn every vigilant into a terrible thought?

The Bachelorette (Party)

Yesterday morning you viewed an email from my sister’s former roommate tasty me to a little pre-wedding Bachelorette party. Before you go any further, you must clarify that this is a Mormon Bachelorette party. It’s starting to be reason at someone’s chateau and the most shameful thing about it will be the appearance of caffeinated [...]